I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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