we have pet lesbian snakes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
