Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
