Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
