my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
