Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
