I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize