I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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