you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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