it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
