there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
