haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He shit in the fireplace
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
