and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
