You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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