I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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