I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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