Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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