wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
