the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
