my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
