Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
