What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
