i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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