In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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