Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
