Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
