Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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