We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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