i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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