I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
