forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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