At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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