Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
