so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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