I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize