Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
