Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
