Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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