somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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