Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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