If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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