Quick, to the slutcave!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A bitchslap is in order.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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