Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
