Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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