you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
