I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
