well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
