Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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