Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
