oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're a waste of cheezeits
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
