I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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