Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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