Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
