I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
