just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize