I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
