I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's shark week go big or go home
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
