I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
