You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
