dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize