i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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