That's intense
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
