dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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