This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
