Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i will never coherently bang her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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