I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
