tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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