i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
