My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
