hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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