I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
