four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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