Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
