he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
