just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
