The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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