Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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