I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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