I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
