this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
