4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
