He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
