Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
