My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
