I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she smelled like a LAN party
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Randomize
