nut hugger
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
