people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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