I wish life had little blips of pornography
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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