she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
