I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
this is an emotional support booty call
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize