WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
