its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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