I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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