He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
