Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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