Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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