So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
