I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
