do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
