do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
