Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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