Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
