i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
