My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
