I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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