that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize