if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
