Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
